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 Alfie
 
 Ooooo deary me,
 My  brother's in his bedroom smoking weed,
 I tell him  should get up cos it's nearly half past three
 He can't be bothered cos he's  on THC.
 I ask him very nicely if  like a cup of tea,
 I can't even see him cos the room is  smoky,
 Don't understand  one can watch so much TV,
 My  brother Alfie how I wish that you could see.
 
 [Chorus]
 Oooooo I only say it  I care,
  please can you stop pulling my hair.
 Now, now  no need to swear,
  don't despair my dear Mon frere*
 
 Ooooo Alfie get up it's  brand new day,
 I just can sit back and watch you waste your  away
 You need  get a job because the bills need to get paid.
 Get off  lazy arse,
 Alfie please use  brain
 Surely there's some walls out there that you can  and spray,
  feeling guilty for leading you astray,
  how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid,
 When all  do is stay and play on your computer games?
 
 [Chorus]
 
 Oh little brother please refrain from  that,
 I'm  to help you out so can you stop being a twat.
 It's time that you and I sat down and had a  chat,
 And look me in the  take off that stupid fitted* cap.
 
 [Chorus]
 
 Please don't despair
 Please don't despair