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 "The Real Slim 
 
 [Eminem]
 May I have your attention 
 May I  your attention please?
 Will the real  Shady please stand up?
  repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
 We're gonna have a  here..
 
  act like you never seen a white person before
 Jaws all on  floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
  started whoopin her ass worse than before
 they first  divorce, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!)
 It's the return  the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
 he didn't just say what I think he  did he?"
 And  Dre said... nothing you idiots!
 Dr. Dre's dead,  locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
 Feminist  love Eminem
 [*vocal turntable: chigga chigga 
 "Slim  I'm sick of him
 Look at him, walkin around  his you-know-what
 Flippin the you-know-who,"  but he's so cute though!"
 Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws  in my head loose
 But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' 
 Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just  loose, but can't
 but it's cool  Tom Green to hump a dead moose
  bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
 And if I'm lucky, you might just give  a little kiss
  that's the message that we deliver to little kids
 And expect them not to know  a woman's clitoris is
  course they gonna know what intercourse is
 By the time they hit  grade
 They got the Discovery  don't they?
 "We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us 
 who cut other people open  cantaloupes [SLURP]
 But if we can hump  animals and antelopes
 then there's no reason that a man  another man can't elope
 [*EWWW!*] But if you  like I feel, I got the antidote
 Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus  it goes
 
  Eminem (repeat 2X)]
 
 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm  real Shady
 All you other Slim Shadys  just imitating
 So won't the real Slim Shady please  up,
 please stand up, please stand 
 
 [Eminem]
  Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;
  I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!
 You  I give a damn about a Grammy?
 Half of you critics can't even stomach  let alone stand me
  Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
 Why? So you guys could just lie  get me here?
 So you can,  me here next to Britney Spears?
  Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
 so I can sit next to Carson Daly  Fred Durst
 and hear 'em argue over who she  head to first
 You little bitch, put me on blast on 
 "Yeah, he's cute, but I  he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"
 I should download  audio on MP3
 and show the whole world how you  Eminem VD [AHHH!]
 I'm sick of you little girl  boy groups, all you do is annoy me
 so I have been sent here to destroy  [bzzzt]
 And there's a  of us just like me
 who cuss like me; who just  give a fuck like me
 who dress like me; walk, talk  act like me
 and just might be the  best thing but not quite me!
 
 [Chorus]
 
 [Eminem]
 I'm like a head trip  listen to, cause I'm only givin you
  you joke about with your friends inside your living room
 The only difference is I got the  to say it
 in front of y'all and  don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
 I just  on the mic and spit it
 and whether you like to admit it  I just shit it
  than ninety percent of you rappers out can
 Then you wonder how  kids eat up these albums like valiums
 It's funny; cause at the rate  goin when I'm thirty
 I'll be the only person in the nursin home 
 Pinchin nurses asses when I'm jackin off with 
 And I'm jerkin but this whole  of Viagra isn't working
 And every single person  a Slim Shady lurkin
 He could be workin at Burger  spittin on your onion rings
 [*HACH*] Or in  parkin lot, circling
  "I don't give a fuck!"
 with  windows down and his system up
 So, will the real Shady please  up?
 And put  of those fingers on each hand up?
  be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
 and one more time, loud as you can, how does  go?
 
 [Chorus 4X]
 
 [Eminem]
 Ha ha
  there's a Slim Shady in all of us
 Fuck it,  all stand up