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 "The Real Slim 
 
 [Eminem]
 May I have  attention please?
 May I have your attention 
 Will the real Slim  please stand up?
 I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please  up?
 We're  have a problem here..
 
 Y'all act like you never seen a white  before
 Jaws all on  floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
 and  whoopin her ass worse than before
 they first were divorce, throwin her  furniture (Ahh!)
 It's the return of the...  wait, no way, you're kidding,
 he didn't just  what I think he did, did he?"
 And Dr. Dre said... nothing you 
 Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my  (Ha-ha!)
 Feminist women love 
 [*vocal turntable: chigga chigga 
 "Slim Shady, I'm sick of 
  at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what
 Flippin  you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"
  I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
 But no worse, than  goin on in your parents' bedrooms
 Sometimes, I wanna get on TV  just let loose, but can't
 but it's cool for  Green to hump a dead moose
 "My bum is on your lips,  bum is on your lips"
 And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a  kiss
 And that's the message that  deliver to little kids
 And  them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
  course they gonna know what intercourse is
 By the time they hit fourth 
 They got the  Channel don't they?
 "We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us 
 who cut other people open like  [SLURP]
 But if we  hump dead animals and antelopes
 then  no reason that a man and another man can't elope
 [*EWWW!*] But  you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
 Women wave your pantyhose, sing  chorus and it goes
 
 [Chorus:  (repeat 2X)]
 
 'Cause I'm  Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
 All you other Slim Shadys are  imitating
 So won't the real  Shady please stand up,
 please stand up, please  up?
 
 [Eminem]
 Will Smith don't gotta  in his raps to sell his records;
 well I do, so fuck him  fuck you too!
 You think I  a damn about a Grammy?
 Half of you critics can't even  me, let alone stand me
 "But Slim,  if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
 Why? So you guys could  lie to get me here?
 So you can, sit me here next to Britney 
 Shit,  Aguilera better switch me chairs
 so I can sit  to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
 and hear 'em argue over who  gave head to first
  little bitch, put me on blast on MTV
 "Yeah,  cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"
 I  download her audio on MP3
 and show the whole  how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!]
 I'm sick of  little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
 so I have been sent here  destroy you [bzzzt]
 And there's  million of us just like me
 who cuss like me; who just don't give  fuck like me
 who dress like me; walk,  and act like me
 and just might  the next best thing but not quite me!
 
 [Chorus]
 
 [Eminem]
 I'm like a head trip to  to, cause I'm only givin you
 things you  about with your friends inside your living room
 The only difference  I got the balls to say it
 in front of  and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
 I just get on the  and spit it
 and  you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it
 better than  percent of you rappers out can
 Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums  valiums
 It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm 
 I'll  the only person in the nursin home flirting
 Pinchin nurses  when I'm jackin off with Jergens
 And  jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
 And every single person is a Slim Shady 
 He could  workin at Burger King, spittin on your onion rings
 [*HACH*] Or in the parkin  circling
  "I don't give a fuck!"
 with his  down and his system up
 So, will the real Shady please  up?
 And put one of those fingers on  hand up?
  be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
 and one more time, loud as you can,  does it go?
 
 [Chorus 4X]
 
 [Eminem]
 Ha ha
 Guess there's a Slim  in all of us
 Fuck it, let's all  up